That’s all. Do it.
My brain won’t be quiet.
It started Monday morning and hasn’t stopped since. Constant questioning, constant doubt, constant confusion. Taking possible future paths or ideas and querying them to the nth degree. Extrapolating deluded and diseased fantasies based on nothing but my own self doubt and chagrin. I am worried that I am starting to go insane.
I can’t even make out what most of it is saying because it looks like that up there ^^. Just a stream of conciousness without punctuation or regard for the rules of grammar. But the overall theme is very apparent: You suck and you know it.
I cannot stop it, the pills are not stopping it, I feel anxious again.
I do not know what to do.
I want to take a shotgun and blow it all out, not because I want to die – I definitely do not – but just to shut the goddamn thing up and get some peace.
Fuck this shit.
It only took forty years to prove what a bunch of us already knew but finally there is recorded scientific evidence proving the psychotherapeutic benefit of lysergic acid diethylamide.
Now that the taboo on research has been broken (we hope) perhaps we can start to investigate this strange and wonderful substance further. Not to mention put it to use on those who could stand to benefit. This could be great news for people who suffer from crippling anxiety.
This article at Forbes explain the findings of the latest research. Let’s hope this gains some traction with governments around the world.
So I had my first session yesterday, it went OK.
Didn’t really gain anything from it as it was just the first session but I left feeling like I had managed to get stuff off my chest to a professional, which stimulated a good mood.
I’ll be seeing her again next week and then on a fortnightly basis until the money runs out. She talked about one to one CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) techniques that she would like to try on me. I explained that I had tried CBT in the past and it was absolute wank, but I’m willing to give it another go since this time it will be with an actual person instead of ticking boxes on a form or website (avoid a website called MOODJUICE like the plague unless you want your intelligence insulted).
I was as open and candid as I could be with her. I spoke of the depression, the drugs, my disillusionment with the world, everything really. I felt comfortable talking to her so it’s definitely something I want to proceed with. Well, at the moment I do.
So yeah, it was good. We’ll see how long that lasts eh?