Well I didn’t expect that when she came home…

My wife just brought home a goddamn Pomeranian.

dog1Apparently this is a dog

We had been discussing getting a dog (in lieu of a kid) for some time now. I wanted an actual dog, y’know one that would fetch your slippers, drive away intruders, a real dog’s dog.

Instead I get this:

dog280% fluff 20% rat

We’re off to the pet store to get some stuff that apparently it needs. It isn’t even big enough to be taken for a walk, it’s only 8 weeks old and you can tell it isn’t ready for the outside world by the fact that EVERYTHING IS BIGGER THAN IT AND WOULD INSTANTLY KILL/EAT IT. This thing literally fits in the palm of my hand.

This is gonna end like that scene in The Sopranos when Christopher gets wasted on skag and sits down on his girlfriend’s miniature Chihuahua, crushing it to death. Except without the heroin part.

Here it is, already ruining my furniture and upholstery. This rug really ties the room together, but this little bastard don’t got time for dat.

dog2

Im finna eat this rug juuuuust a bit, k?

My reaction to this small bundle of fur and yapping squaks is mirrored by our cat:

catThe fuck is this shit?

I’ve named it RJ MacReady after Kurt Russell’s character in John Carpenter’s The Thing, which incidentally is the best movie ever. Because right now it is just a yapping, nibbling, crapping all over the place thing. Possibly a thing I might grow to love. Or sit on. Whatever happens first.

f.

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7 comments

    1. I think his last line was “Why don’t we just… wait here for a little while… see what happens?”

      Which is an awesome last line. The Thing videogame is an official sequel to the movie, you find out what happens to MacReady 😉

      1. I know what his absolute last line was, I’m just saying that if you see the pom slamming whiskey, you might want to act proactively or he’ll blow your house up (which was when the character in question used the fuck you line). Especially if the pom starts developing MacReady’s attitude. I’m not certain how you can recover a “Man Card” after a pom blows up your house.

      2. Nah. You can still say it’s your wife’s dog.

        Now, if you’re stuck with the dog AND your wife’s purse when she goes into a store, then you’ll be screwed.

I write nonsense so you don't have to. Although you can if you want...

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