Don’t talk to me in the morning


Look, random colleague whom I do not know, I do not want to engage you in conversation at 8:50am in the morning. It’s nothing personal, I’m just not ready for banal small talk about the quantity of milk in the fridge. What’s more, I’m making it quite obvious that I do not wish to be spoken too.

I’ve not been rude to you, I’ve done that fake smile and given a cursory nod. I’ve returned your salutation and said “good morning” and then carried on making my coffee. Read between the gigantic, cut-the-atmosphere-with-a-knife-lines, you idiot. I’m not mentally capable of dealing with your asinine chatter this early, and if you push then I will bite. I realise you are just trying to make conversation, but why must you try to force it out of me? Can’t we just say good morning to each other and let it be?

Apparently not. Humans seem to get naturally uncomfortable when there’s silence in a room with people. I do not understand why. You are doing your thing and I’m doing mine. We are going to spend less than two minutes sharing this room space, can you really not go two minutes without having to force some kind of pointless conversation on me?

Look, I’m well aware that I need to be nicer to people and more accepting of others viewpoints, and generally ‘be a better person’ if I want to get better mentally. But this doesn’t mean I have to put up with your bullshit in the morning. And don’t give me a weird look because I don’t wish to talk to you at that time, it just makes me feel worse and you are being fucking selfish. You are not the centre of my universe, do not presume that wanting to talk to you before I’m fully awake is high on my list of priorities today. Give both my eyes the chance to open fully and then maybe we can jive.




  1. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

I write nonsense so you don't have to. Although you can if you want...

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