Maybe it’s not possible. To feel better I mean.
If you are perpetually exposed to misery, then how can you ever expect to feel different?
If you are part of the machine that causes that misery, how can you stop being exposed?
It’s one of those circles that you can’t seem to ever break free from, at least not permanently. Every now and then, you can leave the surface of the circle and see how normal people react and behave to the world around them. It’s like a little vacation away from yourself. You get to see what happiness tastes like, if only for a matter of hours, and you get to see how living without the burden of negativity feels. Feelsgoodman, but not for long.
I can’t exist in this state for too long because reality has other plans for me. I’m trying to change the way I react to things because I realise a lot of the time it’s my bad for choosing to react poorly, but sometimes it’s just not possible to follow or even like one’s own advice.
Maybe I should give in and allow things to just take their course. Trying to exercise control over my life doesn’t seem to be working, or even seem to be anything that I can achieve as it’s not just dependant on me, I have to make other people happy too.