The nothing has me.
No not this guy.
I’m talking about that overpowering sense that nothing is, nothing matters, and nothing ever will. Even the word itself is nothing.
I was feeling better the past few days, after starting this blog. Stupid me to expect it to last. As fellow depressos will tell you, the randomness of when and where a particular symptom/feeling/whatever will strike is a constant source of anxiety. The all-pervading sense of dread just exacerbates the feeling of hopelessness, that you are adrift in an ocean of uncertainty and that you are never going to feel better. This ultimately leads to self-perpetuating, self-destructive patterns of thought that are incredibly difficult to break away from. The only way I’ve found to get out of these slumps is to _go to sleep_ and even then you’re just rolling the dice. You could still wake up feeling the exact same way.
Is that an oxymoron? to say that you FEEL nothing, well then you must FEEL something? Damn that’s a confusing state of affairs. Someone could shoot a child in front of my eyes right now and I doubt I would react very much.
These episodes are all too common.